IMPROVED POEMS

Occasionally I come across a poem which I think is based on an excellent idea, but fails in the realization. I can never restrain myself, but must always try to improve it. Here are some of my results:

There once was a lass from Nantucket
Who had tits that would each fill a bucket.
     She said, "I can't rig
     A bra that's so big,
So I just let them hang, and say -- never mind."
                    (With no apologies to William Thomson who, to my surprise, did not realize what 
                     must inevitably rhyme with "Nantucket" -- especially in a limerick.)


The lady cosmologist sang:
"I've screwed the whole stargazer gang.
     Each had a bit o' me,
     For I'm the epitome
Of that which they call The Big Bang."
                    (With no apologies to Isaac Asimov who, in my opinion, used awkward vocabulary 
                      and lame scansion.)


Oh, pity all the spouseless shrimps,
For each one seeks his consort shrimp,
But cannot gain the longed-for glimpse.
Not one obtains a single glimp.
Sometimes translucence
Is rather a nuisance.
                    (With no apologies to Ogden Nash who, in my opinion, did not take full advantage of
                     the wonderfully zany idea that, since the word "glimpse" ends with an "s" sound,  
                     it can be treated as if it were plural.)